The Emotional Pain Of Leaving A Cult

The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left their group. This may give you some insight into their pain and why there are no easy answers for them.

It Hurts

It Hurts to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the “one true religion,” the “path to total fredom,” or “truth” was in reality a cult.

It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were “pulling the wool over your eyes” albeit unwittingly.

It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were your “enemies” were telling the truth after all - but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.

It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn’t changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a “Judas”. It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.

It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?

It Hurts to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren’t there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.

It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.

It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.

It Hurts when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are “floating” and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.

It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.

It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their “I told you so” whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.

It Hurts when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?

It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.

The Pain Of Grief
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn’t - It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
Yes - It hurts but the hurts will heal with time, patience & understanding.

There is life after the cult.

© 1985, 1995 Jan Groenveld

LETTING GO AND STAYING CONNECTED

Coping with being out of contact with a cult-involved child

When we speak of loss it is not necessarily about death. It may be complete loss of contact, or it may be the loss of the quality and/or frequency of the relationship you had with your child before the cult involvement. This often involves the loss of dreams and expectations.

An added difficulty in coping with the loss of a living child compared to the actual death of a child is that it may be harder to find closure. The challenge of coping with a loss continues throughout the life-span. It changes meaning at different stages of your child's life and stages of your own life. This is actually true for any loss. What is different for parents of cult-involved children is the possibility and therefore the hope that the situation could change.

Parents need to both mourn and stay open, and even be active.

The Mentor

A bad mentor is selfish, can't divorce their own needs from the mentee, cannot be generous.

People need to develop into what they want to be and not what the mentor wants, and some mentors cannot do this.

Think about it!

Common Psychological Problems of Victims of Cult Mind Control

Common Psychological Problems of Victims of Cult Mind Control

1. Extreme identity confusion
2. Dissociative states - "floating" (getting triggered back into cult mode)
3. Panic and anxiety attacks
4. Depression
5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.)
6. Psychosomatic symptoms (headaches, backaches, asthma, skin problems)
7. Problems with decision-making- dependency
8. Retarded psychological development- loss of psychological power
9. Guilt
10. Fear
11. Sleep disorders/ nightmares
12. Eating disorders
13. Sexual problems / Sexuality Issues
14. Lack of trust/ fear of intimacy and commitment- personal & work
15. Harassment and threats from group
16. Grieving loss of friends, family17. Spiritual "rape" of the soul

Mind Control - The BITE Model

Mind Control - The BITE Model by Steven Hassan

Destructive mind control can be understood in terms of four basic components, which form the acronym BITE:
I.
Behavior Control
II.
Information Control
III.
Thought Control
IV.
Emotional Control

It is important to understand that destructive mind control can be determined when the overall effect of these four components promotes dependency and obedience to some leader or cause. It is not necessary for every single item on the list to be present. Mind controlled cult members can live in their own apartments, have nine-to-five jobs, be married with children, and still be unable to think for themselves and act independently.

I. Behavior Control
1. Regulation of individual's physical reality
a. Where, how and with whom the member lives and associates withb. What clothes, colors, hairstyles the person wearsc. What food the person eats, drinks, adopts, and rejectsd. How much sleep the person is able to havee. Financial dependencef. Little or no time spent on leisure, entertainment, vacations
2. Major time commitment required for indoctrination sessions and group rituals
3. Need to ask permission for major decisions
4. Need to report thoughts, feelings and activities to superiors
5. Rewards and punishments (behavior modification techniques- positive and negative).
6. Individualism discouraged; group think prevails
7. Rigid rules and regulations
8. Need for obedience and dependency


II. Information Control
1. Use of deception
a. Deliberately holding back informationb. Distorting information to make it acceptablec. Outright lying
2. Access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged
a. Books, articles, newspapers, magazines, TV, radiob. Critical informationc. Former membersd. Keep members so busy they don't have time to think
3. Compartmentalization of information; Outsider vs. Insider doctrines
a. Information is not freely accessibleb. Information varies at different levels and missions within pyramidc. Leadership decides who "needs to know" what
4. Spying on other members is encouraged
a. Pairing up with "buddy" system to monitor and controlb. Reporting deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership
5. Extensive use of cult generated information and propaganda
a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audio tapes, videotapes, etc.b. Misquotations, statements taken out of context from non-cult sources
6. Unethical use of confession
a. Information about "sins" used to abolish identity boundariesb. Past "sins" used to manipulate and control; no forgiveness or absolution


III. Thought Control
1. Need to internalize the group's doctrine as "Truth"
a. Map = Realityb. Black and White thinkingc. Good vs. evild. Us vs. them (inside vs. outside)
2. Adopt "loaded" language (characterized by "thought-terminating clichés"). Words are the tools we use to think with. These "special" words constrict rather than expand understanding. They function to reduce complexities of experience into trite, platitudinous "buzz words".
3. Only "good" and "proper" thoughts are encouraged.
4. Thought-stopping techniques (to shut down "reality testing" by stopping "negative" thoughts and allowing only "good" thoughts); rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism.
a. Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinkingb. Chantingc. Meditatingd. Prayinge. Speaking in "tongues"f. Singing or humming
5. No critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy seen as legitimate
6. No alternative belief systems viewed as legitimate, good, or useful

IV. Emotional Control
1. Manipulate and narrow the range of a person's feelings.
2. Make the person feel like if there are ever any problems it is always their fault, never the leader's or the group's.
3. Excessive use of guilt
a. Identity guilt
1. Who you are (not living up to your potential)2. Your family3. Your past4. Your affiliations5. Your thoughts, feelings, actions
b. Social guiltc. Historical guilt
4. Excessive use of fear
a. Fear of thinking independentlyb. Fear of the "outside" worldc. Fear of enemiesd. Fear of losing one's "salvation"e. Fear of leaving the group or being shunned by groupf. Fear of disapproval
5. Extremes of emotional highs and lows.
6. Ritual and often public confession of "sins".
7. Phobia indoctrination : programming of irrational fears of ever leaving the group or even questioning the leader's authority. The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without being in the group.
a. No happiness or fulfillment "outside"of the groupb. Terrible consequences will take place if you leave: "hell"; "demon possession"; "incurable diseases"; "accidents"; "suicide"; "insanity"; "10,000 reincarnations"; etc.c. Shunning of leave takers. Fear of being rejected by friends, peers, and family.d. Never a legitimate reason to leave. From the group's perspective, people who leave are: "weak;" "undisciplined;" "unspiritual;" "worldly;" "brainwashed by family, counselors;" seduced by money, sex, rock and roll.

mind fucked

Wayne wants to promote the delusion that people can exist in some disconnected perpetual NOW where they don’t have to remember the fears of the past, or think logically or pro-actively about the future. This isn't possible. It IS NOT POSSIBLE. Some therapies and techniques could help people deal with the moments of fear or guilt and resentments of their past that may overtake them . But beyond that, people are in charge of their life’s. And you know what? That's okay. It's reality.

It is absolutely abusive to insist that you know what is in someone's head better than they do. Wayne tells people that their thought, feelings and desires are pathological and sick. Only his thoughts, desires and feelings are real. That is truly abusive and mind fucking.

You are being mind fucked.

The Process

What is the PROCESS? Are there guidelines? Who set these laws of the process? God?
Are there things you are allowed or not allowed to do while in the process? Who tells you that you are stepping over the line. Is the process like a big circle? You turn and turn and turn in it and try to find a way out, or do you just circle your whole entire life in the process? This can drive somebody crazy.....wait, we are dealing with somebody crazy.

Is the process just another word for life?
You don't live, you process? What do you process? I know of processed meat? Can you say processed mind?

A process is a rule. In process of time? Process printing? Are you in process? Of what?
What the fuck is the process? What does it mean?

We love you!

We love you! We accept you! We will always accept your choices. It is your life and you make the decisions. As long as you are not hurting yourself and others. Then we will say what is on our minds. These are not put-downs. These are just our opinions. You have opinions, we have opinions. We need to communicate so we can both live with our choices we make in our lifes. You don't have to answer to anybody but yourself.

Tell us about your experience, tell us about yourself. We respect your decisions. Respect ours.
Everybody makes good and bad decisions, and it has good and bad consequences. Hopefully, we all learn from our bad experiences. You are smart. You can think for yourself. Tell us YOUR thoughts.

Signs of abusive group/cult behavior

Signs of abusive group/cult

1. ABUSE OF INDIVIDUALITY They adopt a "groupness" mentality. They are not permitted to think for themselves apart from the group and only accept what they are told.


2. ABUSE OF INTIMACY Relationships with friends, relatives, spouses, children, parents etc are broken or seriously hampered.

3. ABUSE OF FINANCES Pressure to give all you can to the group. In non-communal groups, members usually live at the lower socio-economic strata, not because of a lower income level, but because they are always giving money to the group for some reason.

4. "US VERSUS THEM" MENTALITY Isolation from the community in general. Anyone and everything outside the group is seen as "of the devil" or "unenlightened" etc. Their enemies now include former friends; the Christian church; governments; education systems; the media - the world in general. Those who are involved with these in any way see such involvement as a "means to an end".

5. ABUSE OF TIME AND ENERGY The group controls and uses almost all the members time and energy in group activities. They are usually in a constant state of mental and physical exhaustion.

6. ABUSE OF FREE WILL They must unquestioning submit to the groups teachings and directions and their own free will is broken. Their "will" actually becomes the groups "will" without their realizing it. This is done either by coercive methods including low protein diets and lack of sleep, or over a period of time through intimidation. Both methods make heavy use of "guilt".

RESULTS OF THIS ABUSE

1. PERSONALITY CHANGES Relatives will say they no longer recognize the person. From a warm, loving personality will come heaped abuse, rejection and feelings of hate. The cult member sees himself as "righteous" incomparison and this comes across in their attitude toward all outsiders.

2. LOSS OF IDENTITY They cannot see themselves as individuals apart from the group. Some even change their name as a rejection of their former life.

3. PARANOID - WE ARE BEING PERSECUTED Any time you say anything negative about the group, whether justified or not, it is regarded as "persecution". Any criticism of the individual is also seen as persecution only because they are the"true Christian" or "enlightened" one, or the GENIUS - not because they, as an individual, have done the wrong thing. However, at the same time they will feel free to criticise whatever you believe, say and do because they are "the only ones who are right".

4. SOCIAL DISORIENTATION They lose their ability to socialize outside the group. This can go so far as to not being able to structure their time or make simple decisions for themselves when they leave. Their world-view alters and they perceive the world through their leaders eyes. They become very naive about life in general.

5. SEVERE GUILT COMPLEXES They are made to feel guilty of everything they did before enteringthe group and are to strive to be "good" and "worthy" for "eternal life". Misdemeanors are made into "mountains" so that members are in a constant state of guilt for infringing even the most minor rules. Guilt comes because they aren't doing enough; entertaining doubts or questions; even thinking rationally for oneself. This guilt is piled upon pile with new rules constantly being laid down about what is sinful and what is not. Illness may beseen as lack of faith - more guilt. Emotional illness may be seen as proof of sin in your life - more guilt.




How in the world can you make these people see clear? How in the world will they ever realize what is being done to them? Will they ever come to an understanding? Why do some come and go, and why do some stay? How can you stay in such an enviroment for many years? How can you have a job and give all your money to an old man, so he can pay his rent and utilities and finance his family and in return you get abused and controlled.
Why are people supporting such nasty human beings, close their eyes to the abuse they see.

Claim that being pedophile is just showing intimacy to children?
How can such horrible abuse go on without anybody doing something about it?

Six Conditions for Thought Reform by M. Singer

Margaret Singer's conditions for mind control

Psychologist Margaret Singer describes in her book Cults in our Midst six conditions which she says would create an atmosphere in which thought reform is possible. Singer states that these conditions involve no need for physical coercion or violence.

1) Keep the person unaware of what is going on and how he is being changed a step at a time.
Potential new members are led, step by step, through a behavioral-change program without being aware of the final agenda or full content of the group. The goal may be to make them deployable agents for the leadership, to get them to buy more courses, or get them to make a deeper commitment, depending on the leader's aim and desires.

2) Control the person's social and/or physical environment; especially control the person's time.
Through various methods, newer members are kept busy and led to think about the group and its content during as much of their waking time as possible.

3) Systematically create a sense of powerlessness in the person.
This is accomplished by getting members away from their normal social support group for a period of time and into an environment where the majority of people are already group members. The members serve as models of the attitudes and behaviors of the group and speak an in-group language.

4) Strip members of their main occupation (quit jobs, drop out of school) or source of income or have them turn over their income (or the majority of) to the group.
Once stripped of your usual support network, your confidence in your own perception erodes.
As your sense of powerlessness increases, your good judgment and understanding of the world are diminished. (ordinary view of reality is destabilized)
As group attacks your previous worldview, it causes you distress and inner confusion; yet you are not allowed to speak about this confusion or object to it -- leadership suppresses questions and counters resistance.
This process is sped up if you are kept tired -- the cult will keep you constantly busy.

5) Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments and experiences in such a way as to inhibit behavior that reflects the person's former social identity.
Manipulation of experiences can be accomplished through various methods of trance induction, including leaders using such techniques as paced speaking patterns, guided imagery, chanting, long prayer sessions or lectures, and lengthy meditation sessions.
Your old beliefs and patterns of behavior are defined as irrelevant or evil. Leadership wants these old patterns eliminated, so the member must suppress them.
Members get positive feedback for conforming to the group's beliefs and behaviors and negative feedback for old beliefs and behavior.
Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments, and experiences in order to promote learning the group's ideology or belief system and group-approved behaviors.
Good behavior, demonstrating an understanding and acceptance of the group's beliefs, and compliance are rewarded while questioning, expressing doubts or criticizing are met with disapproval, redress and possible rejection. If one expresses a question, he or she is made to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them to be questioning.
The only feedback members get is from the group, they become totally dependent upon the rewards given by those who control the environment.
Members must learn varying amounts of new information about the beliefs of the group and the behaviors expected by the group.
The more complicated and filled with contradictions the new system is and the more difficult it is to learn, the more effective the conversion process will be.
Esteem and affection from peers is very important to new recruits. Approval comes from having the new member's behaviors and thought patterns conform to the models (members). Members' relationship with peers is threatened whenever they fail to learn or display new behaviors. Over time, the easy solution to the insecurity generated by the difficulties of learning the new system is to inhibit any display of doubts -- new recruits simply acquiesce, affirm and act as if they do understand and accept the new ideology.

6) Put forth a closed system of logic and an authoritarian structure that permits no feedback and refuses to be modified except by leadership approval or executive order.
The group has a top-down, pyramid structure. The leaders must have verbal ways of never losing.
Members are not allowed to question, criticize or complain -- if they do, the leaders allege that the member is defective -- not the organization or the beliefs.
The individual is always wrong -- the system, its leaders and its belief are always right.
Conversion or remolding of the individual member happens in a closed system. As members learn to modify their behavior in order to be accepted in this closed system, they change -- begin to speak the language -- which serves to further isolate them from their prior beliefs and behaviors.

Basic Info on the Wayne Allen Geis Process

[home.dejazzd.com]

The above link contains all information regarding the Wayne Allen Geis Process (Acting School) cult.
Geis has been operating his cult for more then 40 years. He had classes in Munich, Germany from 1974 to about 1986.
Then he went to PeEll, Washington (Lewis County) till 2002, and now he is in WoodRidge, New Jersey and operating in NYC as well.

Geis and Martin were both accused of Sexual Misconduct with a Minor/1st on 10 counts in 1997.

Two children were removed by Child Protection Services because of the severe abuse caused by their father Wayne Allen Geis in ca. 1997.

Geis and Martin abused Ruth Martin's son in 1998 he as well was removed by CPS. Ruth's son was beaten by a cult members as well.

Ruth had 4 more children (4, 12, 15, 17) that are presently living under the same roof as the cult members.

Geis diagnoses his children, students and other family members with mental disorders.
He tells them that only he THE MENTOR can heal them, if they leave they will die.

We are a group of ex-students and family members of students out- and still in the process. We want to educate young aspiring performers and actors and everybody else about Geis and Martin.

Lot's of people were in Geis process, and we assume that these people are afraid that the TRUTH will come out.

We have many written testimonials from ex-students and family members that show the abuse Geis puts on them.
Their pain is indescribable.

We have recorded session in form of DVD's, and video tapes of lessons Geis has had with his students, his children and his wife.
These recordings are horrible to watch.

We also have recorded home pornographic film material showing Geis with the students.

Please be aware of the WAYNE ALLEN STUDIO (see wayneallenstudio.com). Please look at the testimonial section of this website. If you research these people on his site, you will find out who belives in the Process. Of course not all people that are in the Process are listed in the testimonial section.

There are Doctors, Accountants and School Executive Directors, to just name a few. Most people that are or were in the process are in one way or another affiliated with underage children.

It is officially documented that Geis sexually, verbally and physically abuses people of all ages.

I will post more info (all findings of the internet) to inform and educate.
Thank you for reading.
Please email me for more detailed information!


(K. we love you)